If I turn up dead, you'll know where to look...

You guys, I did it. I know this story is going to become an urban legend, but I swear to God it is true. It happened to me. Not a friend of my friend’s cousin’s brother’s ex-girlfriend. Me. 

You probably won't believe me but I promise it is the truth. So, here it is: I went to Target and only bought the things on my list—AND spent under $100. I know this sounds crazy but it is real.

I know I am putting my life on the line admitting something like this. There will be people looking for me to erase the truth. But I am willing to sacrifice myself to help others. You really don't have to go through the dollar aisle. Or browse the kids’ clothes. Or peruse the clearance end caps. It is all just part of the man's master plan. Don't fall for it.

Needless to say, I am really scared right now. I plan to go into hiding until things calm down a bit. If for some reason I go missing without a trace, you will know where to look. Follow the red bull's-eye to my killer.

Until we meet again, stay strong and put down that damn Red Card! 

xoxo

The Beer Bitch

If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.