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Thursday, October 16, 2014

If I turn up dead, you'll know where to look...

You guys, I did it. I know this story is going to become an urban legend, but I swear to God it is true. It happened to me. Not a friend of my friend’s cousin’s brother’s ex-girlfriend. Me. 

You probably won't believe me but I promise it is the truth. So, here it is: I went to Target and only bought the things on my list—AND spent under $100. I know this sounds crazy but it is real.

I know I am putting my life on the line admitting something like this. There will be people looking for me to erase the truth. But I am willing to sacrifice myself to help others. You really don't have to go through the dollar aisle. Or browse the kids’ clothes. Or peruse the clearance end caps. It is all just part of the man's master plan. Don't fall for it.

Needless to say, I am really scared right now. I plan to go into hiding until things calm down a bit. If for some reason I go missing without a trace, you will know where to look. Follow the red bull's-eye to my killer.

Until we meet again, stay strong and put down that damn Red Card! 

xoxo

The Beer Bitch

If you share this post, I will buy you a pony. I suck at Twitter. I am OK at Facebook. Pinterest is my bitch. I am also on Bloglovin' and Instagram.

Comments (8)

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Congrats! That is pretty much the opposite of what I did at Target this afternoon.

I'll get you, Target! And your little dog, too!
1 reply · active 551 weeks ago
Oh yes, I am all to familiar with that $100 cover charge at Target. The only way I have found to beat it is for my baby to start screaming at the top of her lungs, forcing me to get out of the store as quickly as possible. Of course, when that happens, I inevitably forget the one thing I actually needed to get, and so I will find myself back at Target, spending twice as much as I originally intended.

I congratulate you on your success, though I do think you are right to fear for your safety.
1 reply · active 551 weeks ago
I ALWAYS forget something!
"part of the man's master plan" - you got that right. I walked in with a $5, only needing strawberries, which is found just inside the grocery side's door at my local Target. I got just strawberries. I go to checkout, putting my hands up as blinders to not see the end caps beckoning me with their sweet wares. At the checkout the cashier said "This is it?" yip. "Sorry, it's just that usually any purchase under $5 is some kid getting candy. I've never seen an adult do this. Wow..."
yip, I'm an urban legend, welcome to the club!!! :D
1 reply · active 551 weeks ago
hahaha. well with $5 I bet you had enough left for some candy too...
Hahahhaahahhaahah this is amazing!!!
My recent post Fall means: Family, Fireball, and Fun!
HA. I've completed this life task as well. It feels great, right?!

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