What Happens on the First Day Home from the Hospital

Leaving the comfort of the hospital to venture into the unknown of parenting is a scary thing. The first day home usually goes something like this:


Wake up to breakfast in bed provided by the hospital cafeteria.

Have the lovely nurses in the nursery wheel in your precious baby and spend the morning bonding.

Talk to the Dr., who tells you the great news: you are being discharged today.
Panic.

Realize you left the car seat in the car.
Panic.

Send hubby to get said car seat while you are alone with the baby.
Panic.

Realize you don't know how to work the car seat.
Panic.

Finally get the baby in the car seat only to realize that it looks like you just placed a mouse in a cage fit for an elephant.
Panic.

Say goodbye to the lovely hospital staff and thank them for all they have done.
Panic.

Get wheeled down to the car while realizing that this is it: no more pushing a button to get help when you need it.
Panic.

Get yourself, the hubby and the baby in the car.
Panic.

Drive five miles an hour on the car ride home.
Panic.

Get home and feel like a strange man in a strange land.
Panic.

Get unpacked and wonder what to do next.
Panic.

The baby cries.
Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.

Realize that you have been home for eight hours and haven't eaten or used the bathroom.
Panic/get faint.

Decide it is time for everyone to try to go to bed and put the baby down for the night.
Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.

Decide that it is finally time to call it night and start your day.

You made it!
One day down, 18 more years to go.