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Sunday, April 28, 2013

What Happens on the First Day Home from the Hospital

Leaving the comfort of the hospital to venture into the unknown of parenting is a scary thing. The first day home usually goes something like this:


Wake up to breakfast in bed provided by the hospital cafeteria.

Have the lovely nurses in the nursery wheel in your precious baby and spend the morning bonding.

Talk to the Dr., who tells you the great news: you are being discharged today.
Panic.

Realize you left the car seat in the car.
Panic.

Send hubby to get said car seat while you are alone with the baby.
Panic.

Realize you don't know how to work the car seat.
Panic.

Finally get the baby in the car seat only to realize that it looks like you just placed a mouse in a cage fit for an elephant.
Panic.

Say goodbye to the lovely hospital staff and thank them for all they have done.
Panic.

Get wheeled down to the car while realizing that this is it: no more pushing a button to get help when you need it.
Panic.

Get yourself, the hubby and the baby in the car.
Panic.

Drive five miles an hour on the car ride home.
Panic.

Get home and feel like a strange man in a strange land.
Panic.

Get unpacked and wonder what to do next.
Panic.

The baby cries.
Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.

Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.

Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.

Realize that you have been home for eight hours and haven't eaten or used the bathroom.
Panic/get faint.

Decide it is time for everyone to try to go to bed and put the baby down for the night.
Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.

Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.

Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.

Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.

Decide that it is finally time to call it night and start your day.

You made it!
One day down, 18 more years to go.

Comments (10)

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People come to visit- give them dirty looks if they even say the word "sick" as if that could make the baby sick.
Make incoherent sounds at guests til they leave.

I love your post- sadly this sums up how I experienced taking home my first child perfectly:)
My recent post Passion
This is pretty much it. Except we had to wait 45 minutes from J getting the car (and cooling it down) and me being able to leave the room. Quinn was getting hungry again and the people to take me to the door took FOREVER. Then we had a 35 min ride home and she cried almost the entire way. On the plus side, it's much better now!
My recent post A Mom a Minute
Love this!!
Only some of these apply to me since our babes was in the NICU for a month before we were able to bring her home. But the trying to figure out the carseat one made both me and the hubs laugh. We were in the parking lot for 20 minutes with both of us trying to get her buckled in the seat before we finally figured it out!!
I too had NICU experience the first time out, so felt a little bit like a trial run. Still...I remember arriving home with them and wanting to go back to the hospital, surely they made a mistake trusting us with these little life pods.
My recent post The I Didn't Do It Award
Julie Bowman's avatar

Julie Bowman · 621 weeks ago

Love it. So true and right on!!!! When we got home from the hospital we just looked at each other and said, "Ummmm, what do we do now?"

I just found you and I LOVE this blog!!!!! Keep on writing girl!!!!
My husband and I were JUST talking about this with a soon-to-be-dad.

Our advice to him--take advantage of the hospital staff while you can. (We didn't change a single diaper the three days we were there. Pretty sure they hated us.) When those sliding doors close behind you, that's it! There's no button to push for help..... EEK!
YES! I felt like such an idiot trying to get the babies into their car seats while the nice people waited with two wheel chairs (also, felt like an idiot getting wheeled out of the hospital). It makes me feel better that other people had the same problems. Also, getting the boys dressed in real clothes for the first time was a chore. They cried. I cried. Their little arms flailed about. Wish I could've get them in a hospital t-shirt and swaddled blanket for the car ride!
You are forgetting one very important thing: In our home, approixmantely 5 hours after being home and trying desperately to put my darling son to bed (Because I was yet to realize newborns don't really "go to bed") I turend to my husband and said, "I don't think I'm meant to be a mom. I think God wanted me to have this baby for our friend who can't have babies. We need to call her in the morning and tell her we have a baby for her." Luckily he smiled, nodded his head and told me to lay down for a while. Then he proceeded to call my mother in an absolutely panic because her daughter had obviously lost her shit.
True story. All of it. Im not kidding.
Vicky
My recent post Milestones that don't make The Baby Book
Sweet baby Jesus - this is exactly the truth. I remember the first night alone in the hospital when all our family had left, the nurses were gone and they had just rolled in our daughter and left her. I looked at my husband and said "What the fuck do we do?" and he shrugged his shoulder and we had the most awkward night of our life trying to figure out if she was pooping or just wheezing weird.

I don't understand why he keeps telling me no to having another one. sheesh.
My recent post Training Tuesday 4.30.13
1 reply · active 621 weeks ago

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