Leaving the comfort of the hospital to venture into the unknown of
parenting is a scary thing. The first day home usually goes something
like this:
Wake up to breakfast in bed provided by the hospital cafeteria.
Have the lovely nurses in the nursery wheel in your precious baby and spend the morning bonding.
Talk to the Dr., who tells you the great news: you are being discharged today.
Panic.
Realize you left the car seat in the car.
Panic.
Send hubby to get said car seat while you are alone with the baby.
Panic.
Realize you don't know how to work the car seat.
Panic.
Finally get the baby in the car seat only to realize that it looks like you just placed a mouse in a cage fit for an elephant.
Panic.
Say goodbye to the lovely hospital staff and thank them for all they have done.
Panic.
Get wheeled down to the car while realizing that this is it: no more pushing a button to get help when you need it.
Panic.
Get yourself, the hubby and the baby in the car.
Panic.
Drive five miles an hour on the car ride home.
Panic.
Get home and feel like a strange man in a strange land.
Panic.
Get unpacked and wonder what to do next.
Panic.
The baby cries.
Panic.
Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.
Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.
Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.
Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.
Try to figure out what the baby wants.
Panic.
Figure out what the baby wanted only to have it start crying again.
Panic.
Realize that you have been home for eight hours and haven't eaten or used the bathroom.
Panic/get faint.
Decide it is time for everyone to try to go to bed and put the baby down for the night.
Panic.
Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.
Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.
Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.
Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.
Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.
Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.
Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.
Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.
Feed baby and put it back to sleep.
Panic.
Obsessively watch the baby sleep and analyze every twitch and breath.
Panic.
Baby wakes up crying.
Panic.
Decide that it is finally time to call it night and start your day.
You made it!
One day down, 18 more years to go.

Sunday, April 28, 2013
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I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.
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What Happens on the First Day Home from the Hospital
2013-04-28T07:00:00-05:00
ilikebeerandbabies.com
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Jean Heff · 621 weeks ago
Make incoherent sounds at guests til they leave.
I love your post- sadly this sums up how I experienced taking home my first child perfectly:)
My recent post Passion
bybreenah 35p · 621 weeks ago
My recent post A Mom a Minute
Samantha · 621 weeks ago
Only some of these apply to me since our babes was in the NICU for a month before we were able to bring her home. But the trying to figure out the carseat one made both me and the hubs laugh. We were in the parking lot for 20 minutes with both of us trying to get her buckled in the seat before we finally figured it out!!
arianaisstillgrowing 30p · 621 weeks ago
My recent post The I Didn't Do It Award
Julie Bowman · 621 weeks ago
I just found you and I LOVE this blog!!!!! Keep on writing girl!!!!
Abby S · 621 weeks ago
Our advice to him--take advantage of the hospital staff while you can. (We didn't change a single diaper the three days we were there. Pretty sure they hated us.) When those sliding doors close behind you, that's it! There's no button to push for help..... EEK!
Meg B · 621 weeks ago
lablover22 33p · 621 weeks ago
True story. All of it. Im not kidding.
Vicky
My recent post Milestones that don't make The Baby Book
Tamara · 621 weeks ago
I don't understand why he keeps telling me no to having another one. sheesh.
My recent post Training Tuesday 4.30.13
The Beer Bitch 88p · 621 weeks ago