Body By Baby

Many of us feel embarrassed of our post baby bodies. Some of us are surprised that we didn't snap right back to our pre-baby bodies. The truth is, no matter how fast you bounce back to your pre-pregnancy state, you will never be the same. Be it from stretch marks, wider hips, sagging breasts, or just a new state of mind about your body, you are now forever changed by the miracle that is childbirth.

So, because Gisele and all her friends make it seem like stretchmarks don't happen, I started Body by Baby. Stretchmarks do happen. So does saggy skin. And saggy boobs. And that is ok. Because we are real women. Our bodies aren't perfect. But they didn't get this way on their own. They got this way because we are fucking awesome and CREATED A HUMAN IN THEM. What's a stretchmark or a muffin top when we actually made life?

This is what a real woman's belly looks like. This is what having beautiful babies does to a girl. And it is awesome:

This is Andrea from Andrea Arch. She is a mom of one of the most adorable baby boys I have ever seen. Seriously.

Here is her story:
I'm the kind of woman who fights her weight. Every. Single. Day. Have since puberty. I love to eat and hate to exercise. Then we decided to have a baby. Knowing Oreos and cookie batter weren't an ideal pregnancy diet, I gave up the sweets and started eating foods I've spent a lifetime avoiding… you know, like fruits and veggies. I loaded up on omegas and protein and calcium and all those other healthy essentials Baby Arch needed. Even though I was dedicated to my diet for nine months, I still gained 47 lbs during my pregnancy.

I find it funny that doctors tell you (in reference to exercising while pregnant), if you weren't doing it before, don't start now. Umm…so no exercise at all for me then because I certainly wasn't working out pre-baby. And who the hell can go on long walks without pissing their pants?! Not I.

My OB decided to rip me a new one during one of my later appointments. She told me I was gaining way too much weight and needed to cut out the drive thrus, processed foods, pop, etc. Excuse me bitch, but I wasn't eating any of those things to begin with…don't act like you know me.

Besides, I'm a 6' 2", size 12, (formerly) 167 lb woman. My husband is roughly the same size as me…so there's no way we were popping out some little petite five-lb baby. I was certain I was growing a baby giraffe. My son Brody ended up being 9 lbs 2 oz at birth.

I'm down 35.5 lbs to date (14 weeks postpartum) with a few patches of stretch marks and that damn line down my belly that I'm convinced will never go away. My dress pants and belts don't fit, my back fat has returned with a vengeance and my hips will never be the same. My ambition to exercise comes and goes, I spend my evenings in sweatpants and my squishy boobs make excellent pillows for Brody.

I put on a lot of weight during my pregnancy and I'm OK with that. Those pounds came from an extra serving of chicken at dinner, or the natural sugar found in the fruit smoothies I made, or the bags of carrots I consumed while sitting at my desk. I nourished and gave birth to a beautiful, happy, HEALTHY baby boy…and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

So eff you, OB. I'm proud of my tiger stripes. Rawr.

Thanks, Andrea. You are the shit for sharing with us what we all hide from each other.

Body by Baby all started here, but you glorious bitches have kept it going. Feeling frisky? Send me your own Body by Baby portrait and I will share it with all six of my readers the world. Anonymously or not. Your choice. Email them to me at ilikebeerandbabies @ gmail . com (remove spaces).