Image Map

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

What real beauty is

The other day I was skimming through my Google Reader and I read a blog that made my heart hurt. It was a beautiful girl complaining about her weight. Said girl clocks in at a weight that is 20 pounds less than my current. Did this make me feel bad? No. Not for me. But it did make me sad for her. Because I think I am beautiful. Just as I am. Yes, I could use to shed another layer of baby weight, but whether I ever do or not, I am really happy with myself. My self that is 20 pounds heavier than this incredibly beautiful woman who is writing about how the weight she saw on the scale was devastating. Trust me, sister, seeing a few more pounds on the scale is far from devastating. It's life. And not all that important an aspect of it.

This whole thing got me got me to thinking about what real beauty is.

That very same morning, after I read the post, The Quiet Contemplator was in the bathroom with me while I was getting ready. While I was putting on my powder, she said, "You look really pretty, Mommy." I replied, "Thank you, Baby. Makeup can make you pretty on the outside, but what really matters is how pretty you are on the inside." She looked at me quizzically, so I continued to explain to her the sorts of things that make someone pretty on the inside. I told her that being nice to people made you pretty on the inside. And sharing. And giving people compliments. And being polite. And telling people that you love them. I told her that those are the things that make someone truly pretty. I told her that anyone could be pretty on the outside, but that the people who are really special are the ones who are pretty on the inside.

Raising a little girl in today's society is hard. Mother fucking hard. Girls want to grow up twice as fast, be twice as thin and work half as hard to obtain it all. Because they don't know reality. Because they don't interact with real people. They tweet and text and chat. They don't know what real people are like in front of the "screens". They don't voice how they feel or who they are because they live a virtual life. Surrounded by images or perfect people with no emotions.

But I don't want my daughter to grow up like that. I want her to grow up knowing how to have a face-to-face conversation with someone. And how to say, "I love you". And how to give a hug to someone who needs it. And how to be kind to people. And how to see the true beauty in herself, not just what is reflected in the mirror. I want her to grow up being a real person, not a virtual version of herself, a self modeled after unachievable standards.

I started Body by Baby to help other mothers know that what they look like after having children is OK. That the stretch marks and the saggy boobs and the excess skin don't matter. What matters is that you mamas are so beautiful on the inside that you were able to make something as perfect as a child. And that is what real beauty is. Not your weight, or if you have flawless skin, or if you can still fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans. Because we mamas are beautiful on the inside. And that is pretty, no matter what we weigh.

Comments (36)

Loading... Logging you in...
  • Logged in as
Yes, please! I wish everyone could think like this. We need to raise our little girls to be beautiful on the inside. Not creations of a digital age where they don't interact with people, where they think ideal is too skinny, where they don't think their worth is in their minds but in their bodies. I want my little girl to know she is beautiful where it matters and that's not what she sees in the mirror.
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. It is the truth.
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
Ah, tears so early in the morning!
2 replies · active 629 weeks ago
I love the Body by Baby posts...I'm sure I'll be adding mine to the group after I have one. It is incredibly hard to raise a girl during any time period...it feels like there is always something to feel bad about, whether it's magazine ads, models, whatever. When I was 11, I made my mom pack me Slim Fast in my lunch because I felt so disgusting. It's awful how early it starts.
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
Coming from someone who does write blogs about her weight, and trying to obtain her goal weight, don't feel bad for someone who is writing about her weight. I am trying to work out more, but I also know that my body has changed drastically with having children. You are very right about wanting to raise our children with good morals, and knowing what real beauty is...but it's also awesome when my children "work out" with me and do stretches, but they never see me on the scale.
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
I worry so much about this with the Littlest Brewster. Possibly because I have personally really struggled with finding both my inner AND my outer beauty and I want so much more for her.
My recent post First Haircut
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
I teach college, and I see girls every day that complain about their weight/body, and I want to scream at them, "Your ass is never going to look that good again!!! Enjoy it now!!!" But that would be unprofessional, so we read a poem that's about carpe diem and shit and I simply have to hope they come to the ass conclusion on their own.

I worry about Twitter and such raising kids. I see the effects of it now in my students.

Also, my breaking point a few months back was seeing sequined mini-skirts at Target--in the children's section.

I am SO glad I have a son, not that it doesn't have its own set of gendered challenges.
3 replies · active 629 weeks ago
I love this post.
Before my daughter I was caught up in what I should look like & how thin I should be, I remember reaching 180 lbs and just crying because I felt like a shitty person.
Then, I had my daughter & the weight didn't come off like you see on television shows or with models. I cried about my life for a year & then one day decided to do something about it. I currently weigh 190 lbs and I love the way I look because I'm taking care of myself & I have a wonderful little girl that I want to grow up being pretty on the inside too. Everything you wrote - totally hit home.
If you're interested, here's my post regarding my weight. http://lehmannlaughter.blogspot.com/2013/01/weigh...
My recent post That’s My Jam: 80s Songs
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
Love Love Love this! Being a woman is hard. I hope I do a good job and Animal learns to value and look for a woman who is beautiful on the inside before the outside
My recent post Thoughtful Guys
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
Just made me cry. Beautiful!
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
Hear, HEAR! I love this. Hotness is luv and snuggles...
My recent post Oh my craft-ness!
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
Kristin Ems's avatar

Kristin Ems · 629 weeks ago

http://www.youdbesoprettyif.com/

The woman that wrote this book gave a talk at my local library, as she lives here in RI. The book is brilliant (she is too!) and will change the way you talk to yourself, your daughter, her friends and other women. It is exactly what you are already doing, Julie.
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
Such a great post. You are so right. It is hard to raise a girl now. I have an eleven year old niece who is trying to act twenty. I cringe because her mom lets her wear makeup, revealing clothes and run around with older kids. The child already has bigger boobs than I did in high school (not that they were anything to brag about at that point in time!). The scariest thing, though, is the lack of self-esteem I see in her. Her total self-worth is wrapped up in what everyone else thinks of her. I have a daughter who is turning one next week, and I hope like hell that I am able to instill self-esteem and self-worth in her as well as empathy for others. I hope to "keep it real" for her so that she is able to have a fulfilled life instead of one of trying to measure up to unrealistic people.
2 replies · active 629 weeks ago
LOVE this post! I have hope for (wo)mankind because of you and your sweet little girl, my friend, and others like you. So much beauty to celebrate!
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
This is so wonderful! Thank you for recognizing that the struggle with body image often doesn't have an end, and the beginning is sometimes uncertain. You are doing an important thing here. Sometimes we are just so hard on ourselves as women, mothers, wives, humans. It's vital to embrace the good. Thank you.
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago
This post is awesome. I have two little girls, they are 6 and almost 5. I have been trying to teach them, almost from the beginning that beauty is not about appearance. The thing is, I feel beautiful because of things that have nothing to do with how I look. Kindness, honesty, humor, strength and faith are beautiful, not skinny jeans, nail polish and makeup. I hope they get it before the world tries to tell them different.
My recent post Pyscho....somatic
1 reply · active 629 weeks ago

Post a new comment

Comments by

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...