The "No Sex" Zone

In honor of VD tomorrow, I though I would talk about sex, or moreover, the lack of it in our household.

Right now, I feel like my husband and I are living in a "No Sex" zone. Now, don't get me wrong, we find the time to break off a piece of action every once in a while, but the windows of opportunity are few and far between. Why? Because, as Motherhood: A Descent Into Madness so eloquently put it, "Kids are the ultimate cock-blockers".

So, what makes having sex while being a parent so hard (or not hard, sorry, I had to), you ask?
Here's a breakdown:

During the week:
Yeah right. Like there is any opportunity here with us both working. We wake up with just enough time for all four of us to get ready and scoot out the door for school and work. Then, we come home after a long day's work/play and do dinner, play, baths, bedtimes, etc. By the time we manage to get them both to sleep we are not far from comas ourselves. The last thing we have the energy to do is to rub our naughty bits together until something happens. Because I will tell you what will happen: we will both fall asleep in the middle of it.

During the weekends:
Again, yeah right. There used to be a prime lovin' time window when both kids napped together. We'd have two blissful hours of alone time to get our "business time" on, followed by couch and TV time. It was glorious. Yeah, not so much anymore. Now, The Cool Cucumber goes down for a nap early and The Quiet Contemplator goes down late, it she goes down at all. This schedule leaves nary a minute of nookie opportunity in-between.

So, as you see, the products of my sex life are ruining my sex life. The other day, when The Cool Cucumber was down for a nap, we had to entice The Quiet Contemplator into the basement with a bag of cookies and an episode of Pee-wee's Playhouse just so we could sneak upstairs for a mute quickie with the door locked. It is getting ridiculous.


So, what about you, mamas? What do you have to do to get your parental freak on?