I can multitask like a mother

There are days when I feel like if I have to do one more thing, I am going to lock myself in a closet and drown myself in a bottle of Jack Daniels. But, there are also days where I feel like if I manage to accomplish just one more thing, I will actually become She-Ra. Because I can multitask like a mother.



Before I had kids, the mere thought of working out, getting my hair cut and buying an outfit for a party, all in one day, would make me a little anxious. Now? Carry a toddler, my purse, diaper bag, infant seat and unlock the car? Done. Wrangle both children, hand over my insurance card, sign the co-pay receipt and wipe a yucky nose? No problem. Switch the TV to video, open the bag of Goldfish, refill the milk and start Yo Gabba Gabba, all while guarding my glass of chardonnay? I'm on it.

I get shit done because I have to. Because if I don't get the Drs appointments made, the groceries bought, the diapers changed, the bottles filled and the homework done, my kids are hungry, dirty and the kids who show up without something for Show and Tell. And that sucks. So I am on it. Like white on rice, or, better yet, like me on a box of wine.

Being a mom requires the multitasking skills of a Goddess. You can't just phone it in. You have to be live and available at all times. You need to know where your kid's shoes are, if their shot records are up to date, when their next dentist appointment is and what all of their current medications are. You have to know where their insurance cards are, be able to locate their favorite blankie at all times, know their friends' names and know when their school play is.

Parenting is a full-time job that requires constant overtime. Lazy and unorganized people need not apply. I think on my next resume, I am going to put, "Hire me because I can multitask like a mother." Because really, there is no topping that shit. Now where did all of the damn pacifiers disappear to?