So about six months after I had The Quiet Contemplator, I noticed all of the hair that I had lost three months postpartum was starting to grow back. I had the normal outgrowth: those wild and straggly two-inch hairs that stick out all over your head, giving the middle finger to any hairstyle you attempt for about a year. But I also noticed an odd new growth of hair in a strange place. Where, you ask? Wait for it...I had grown...sideburns. Oh yeah. Don't be jealous. They were super sexy in that Nicolas-Cage-married-Lisa-Marie-so-he-could-bone-a-piece-of-Elvis sort of way. Gross.
Thinking I had sidestepped that sexy landmine after The Cool Cucumber was born, I wore ponytails with confidence. Until this morning, when I realized Theeeeee'rrrre Baaaaack! Move over Andrew Dice Clay, mama is gonna give you a run for your furry money!
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| That's Hot. |
I think, since this hair is growing from above your ear but not apparently from the back of your jaw, that these are not sideburns but instead are cute and incorporable into many feminine styles. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would like to take this opportunity to announce to you that LittleBoy waited till 38 weeks to give me new (I already had plenty from a former, fatter incarnation of myself) stretch marks. wtf?
Time to get a cigar and start telling dirty nursery rhymes.
ReplyDeleteI didn't get sidburns, but i have what appears to be a mullet growing on the nape of my neck. So when i wear a pony, i have these wild hears on my neck that were not there before, and wont stay in bobby pins or anything else to look normal if i have a pony. instead, it looks like i'm rocking a pony-mullet. Do you have any advice for that??
ReplyDeleteI am 8 months postpartum and am rocking an inch and half long, golf-ball sized, cowlick right at the top of my forehead. Right side, at the beginning of my part. Fun times.
ReplyDeleteI have the 1-inch electroshock bangs, right along my hairline. It looks like I let my 7yo cut my hair after practicing (unsuccessfully) on her Barbie.
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