Why Kids Make Life Better (Beside love and crap)

There are many reasons why kids make our life better. The hugs, unconditional love, blah, blah, blah. We all know that crap. Here are a few lesser known ways kids make life better.

They step up the candy quotient.
Valentine's Day, Easter, Halloween, etc. With kids around, the candy quotient of your house is way upped. We tell our kids that too much candy is bad for them, not so much so they don't get cavities or obese or anything, but so we can wait until they go to bed to binge on their baskets of chocolate and red 40 goodness. Mmmmm…candy.

They get you out of boring stuff.
Ew, sorry. Can't make it to great aunt Edna's 98th birthday party. The Quiet Contemplator has an unexplained fever and we don't want anyone to catch whatever she has. You known, with Edna already being on a respirator and all it is probably best we stay away from all the fun. Darn. I was so looking forward to it, too. Not.

They are good excuses for being messy.
Sorry the house is trashed. We have kids. 'nuf said.

You get to play with way more toys.
Legos, crayons, Play-Doh, Barbies, glitter, you name it. Kids stock your house full of stuff that you have been dying to play with for years. Now the only problem is that you have to practice what you preach: sharing.

You have an excuse to go to fun kiddie places.
Having a kid is a great excuse to head out to the zoo, science center, water park, etc. They are like your free pass to do cool shit again without looking like a creepy stalker. Believe me, my husband and I tried going to Chuck E. Cheese without kids once. We looked like total pedophiles.

You get to consume old school dinner delicacies.
Mac n Cheese, Kool-Aid, Capri Sun, Jell-o, hot dogs, chicken nuggets, popsicles. Now that you have reproduced, these tasty treats are now back in the fridge and in full effect--along with the size of your ass.