The Confessional

When I was maybe ten, my BFF and I decided to light her mom's cigarette butts and pretend to smoke them while hanging out of her window so the neighbor kids below would think we were BAMFs. Super awesome stunt until one of the lit cigarettes fell on her mattress and caught it on fire. We just put the fire out and flipped the mattress over, of course.

The Confessional is now open. Have something you need to repent for? Feel free to send me your sin and I will help your purge your demons.


Confessions from fellow Boozehounds:

Mommy confession: I have 2 sons. When I was expecting our first one about 3 yrs ago, a friend of mine mistakenly thought I was having a girl and bought me an utterly adorable pink dress with yellow piping. It had a matching hat and socks and was one of the girliest, cutest outfits ever. Not wanting to pass up a good opportunity, I put my 7 week old son in the outfit and walked the mall near our home, praying I wouldn’t see anyone I knew. Tons of strangers complimented on my beautiful daughter, with her darling outfit and large amounts of dark hair. Nobody knows I did this, not even my husband.

ILBAB says: I really, really, really hope there are pictures of this to show your son when he is a teenager and a total know-it-all assface.

Confession 2: I once had a few too many and fell asleep on the couch of the host of a large house party. Sometime in the night, I got sick on that couch. In the morning, I cleaned up the top of the cushions as best I could and went home without mentioning it to anyone. A few days, the host (who I didn’t know very well, friend of a friend) was looking for his keys and dug his hand into the couch cushions. He came up with a cold handful of puke...classy.

ILBAB says: I would never stick my hands in the cushions of my couch. Everyone knows bad things lurk there. If my keys were to fall into the black whole that is the couch cushions, I would write them off as a loss and buy a new car. Shivers.

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ILBAB says: this cracked me the fuck up because it was about puking and sent from a work email. Had to include. Ha!