Friday, December 16, 2011

Preggo my Eggo Update: 38 weeks down, 2 to go.

So I have discovered something about stretch marks and second pregnancies. It isn't that you have to worry about developing NEW stretch marks. What you have to worry about it your OLD stretch marks running like a pair of cheap panty hose. Yikes! It is like they found a chink in my chain and are running with it. Literally. Bastards.

Here are a few questions I am tired of hearing:
Idiot: Aren't you tired of being pregnant?
Me: No. I had a lobotomy before I got pregnant this time so I think this is all super fun.

Idiot: So when is it going to happen?
Me: What am I, f*cking Nostradamus? If I knew that, I would be sunning in Costa Rica until D-day.

Idiot: Wow. You are so big. Are you sure it isn't twins?
Me: Do you want me to punch you in the throat?

Idiot: Are you still here?
Me: No. This is only an illusion. You are just imagining me waddling my a** to the copier. You have a sucky imagination.

I have been told by two Drs, "There is a whole lot of baby in there." No sh*t.

10 comments:

  1. Nilsa @ SoMi SpeaksDecember 16, 2011 at 12:34 PM

    You, my dear, do not look big. You look beautifully pregnant. My nieces' mother gained 60 pounds both times she was pregnant. Never had twins. And it was all in the belly. Talk about looking/feeling big!

    ReplyDelete
  2. TiffanyDecember 16, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    Good lord you should move into my town and join my play group. We'd love you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. TiffanyDecember 16, 2011 at 2:19 PM

    I had a check out woman at the local grocery store ask "When are you due?" When I told her it wasn't for two more months she said "Wow! Are you sure there's not two in there?" Big sigh. "Nope, just one." "I don't know, you're pretty big for only 7 months. I bet there's two."

    Bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ilikebeerandbabies.comDecember 16, 2011 at 3:05 PM

    Tiffany, you are a saint for not punching her in the vagina and stealing all of her M&Ms.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LinzDecember 17, 2011 at 7:45 PM

    On my 1st pregnancy my stretch marks ran North to South. Then on #2 they went East to West. I'm on my 3rd now (God help me) and they just started appearing above my belly button. Apparently the skin below my belly button is amply destroyed now.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ilikebeerandbabies.comDecember 18, 2011 at 6:30 AM

    Linz, that is just cruel but at least you can calculate coordinates on your stomach now.

    Liz, it is from the gap a few years ago. About to be retired. If you want to pay to ship it and are the same size it is yours!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousDecember 18, 2011 at 5:27 PM

    I'm 36.5 weeks preggo with baby #2. I gained 47 (yes...FORTY SEVEN) pounds with baby #1. I didn't get a single dang stretch mark. Baby #2 I've gained around 20-ish...(more like 30-ish, but 20 makes me feel better inside) and I've got stretch marks like nobody's business. And they hurt. And itch. I'm a whiny baby, too, and this just makes my hubby want to sleep on the couch. Hope your baby comes soon. Mine, too. Stick a fork in me, cause I'm done. :) Erin

    ReplyDelete
  8. ilikebeerandbabies.comDecember 19, 2011 at 11:15 AM

    Erin, here's to hoping we are both put out of our misery soon!

    ReplyDelete
  9. The New Mom on the BlogDecember 19, 2011 at 2:21 PM

    Raising my glass of beer to you, knowing that you will be joining me soon. Home stretch, mama. You can do it.

    (Also, if I saw you on the street, I would totally not think you were 38 weeks pregnant, so people can go suck it. You look amazing!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousJanuary 10, 2012 at 11:30 PM

    I hope you have a safe delivery and congratulations.

    Week 38 Pregnancy

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing from you. It reinforces that writing this blog is not just a silly waste of my brain matter. If you leave a douche canoe comment, I will delete it. I am powerful like that.