Lately I have been having some unbearable gas pains. Fun! I have survived all of this with a little thing we like to call "FP" in our family. I learned FP from a friend who learned it from her mama. Since FP is such a wonderful and relatively unknown scientific method of gas removal, I thought I would sprinkle some knowledge on you all and help my fellow ladies with a rumbly in their tumbly.
You see, FP stands for Fart Position. It is life changing. When in this position, all the gas that is trapped in your gut magically gurgles down and out of your system. Like, instantly. Within about five seconds of being in FP, you will release the most glorious fart you have ever released. This is all of that uncomfortable air that has been trapped in your body. It is glorious.
Here is how FP goes down: get down on all fours. With your knees on the floor and your butt up, put the front of your body as low to the ground as you can get it. Basics: butt in the air, boobs on the floor. Once in this position, wait for the magic to happen. Repeat as necessary.
For those of you who are grossed out by this post, I am sorry. I also laugh at the fact that I am about 99% sure you will still try FP once you are alone. FP: Learn it, love it, live it, ladies.
For those of you who are grossed out by this post, I am sorry. I also laugh at the fact that I am about 99% sure you will still try FP once you are alone. FP: Learn it, love it, live it, ladies.
If you're at a time where FP won't work or it isn't possible to do it or you get like really pregnant and can't get down on the floor any more - laying on your left side works too. I guess all of your gastrointestinal organs are on the right side of your body, so if you roll to your left, gravity does the work. It totally works.
ReplyDeleteI only know this because a friend told me. Yeah. A friend.
I imagine FP is much more satisfying though.
Thanks, NMOTB. Thankfully my husbands sleeps in front of me since I sleep on my left side. :)
ReplyDeleteThis.is.awesome!
ReplyDeleteAnd of course I'm sure all of us will look like Coco when we try this, too! LOL!
ReplyDeleteI think staying away from lit candles & lighters would be a wise choice, too.
I have tears from laughing so hard! My sis-in-law is a doctor and she recommends laying flat on your back and pulling your knees all the way to your chest. I've done it for my babies when they were gassy, and it works wonders. Now I'll have to try Coco's position!
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh so much that I shared it on my best of the week "Weekly Wrap Up " post today :)
ReplyDeletehttp://howtoskinnyacat.blogspot.com/2011/07/73011-weekly-wrap-up.html
It's funny how men tend to find this position as one of their favorites during, the deed.
ReplyDeleteInteresting correlation to think about.
Hahaha.
PS. Didn't matter what position I was in when I was preggo, my body had a mind of it's own then. I started looking for some that prevented it.