Attack of the Man Hands

So my husband is a wonderful man. He does the dishes, actually knows when our daughter eats, sleeps and poops, makes late-night mozzarella stick runs for me when I am pregnant, cleans the litterbox, etc. But, unfortunately, he is still a man. Therefore, he has what I refer to as “Man Hands”. This dreaded affliction causes him to do some very stupid things. See below for just a taste of the good stuff.



The Wet Vac Incident

So my poor obese cat frequently gets UTIs. The unfortunate result of this is a sick kitty cat that pees in the house. One such day, my husband found the puddle on the carpet and said he would clean it. Sweet. Thanks. Yeah, I regretted that response five minutes later. I come back in the room to find my husband using our regular vaccum cleaner to vaccum up the pee. The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Him: Cleaning up the cat pee.
Me: With the VACCUM?
Him: Yeah. Why?
Me: Because it isn’t a WET VAC!
Him: What’s the difference?
Me: The ability to vacuum up WET things.
Him: Why does it matter.
Me: Because now there is cat pee in the electronic-y part of the vacuum and cat pee in the dust bin.
Him: So?
Me: So that probably isn’t good.
Him: So?
Me: So you get to do all of the vacuuming from now on.


All Dish Soaps are Not Created Equal

One Tuesday morning, my husband was nice enough to do all the dishes and start the dishwasher before he headed out for work. Awesome, right? Wrong. Twenty minutes later, I hear a weird sound from the kitchen. I go in to check on it and find my entire kitchen flooding with water and foam. “WTF?,” I think to myself. Then it hits me: the hubs used dish soap in place of dishwasher detergent. After I clean up the kitchen, I call to confirm.

Me: Did you put dish soap in the dishwasher instead of dish detergent?
Him: Yeah. We were out of detergent. Why?
Me: Because it flooded the entire kitchen.
Him: That sucks. Why did it do that?
Me: Because you can’t put dish soap in the dishwasher.
Him: Why?
Me: Because the detergent you use in the dishwasher is non-foaming. Dish soap isn’t.
Him: Well that’s stupid.
Me: Not really. It’s science or something.
Him: Well that’s stupid.
Me: Um, OK. Just don’t do that again.
Him: OK.